Invaded

Today was not the best Valentine's day but definitely not the worst. I've always hated Valentine's day. Since I was little I've hated the holiday and as I've grown older all my reasoning has just increased... even when I had boyfriends. I don't know if I'll ever really like and enjoy the holiday. I've never been one to ask or demand anything for Valentine's day, I mean, what for really? However, I've always been grateful for the years in the past when my friends, boyfriends, or family members would give me something. I don't need it though.

This day hurt differently, not because of Valentine's day. A year ago, around this time, I was making out in a car. I was on the hugest high and I don't remember anything or anyone on my mind other than the person in front of me. When I thought this evening, about what I was doing last year, a part of me stinged. Truth is, it's stinged all day, I've just been pushing it aside. I loved that night and if no one else gives me a night like that then I might not repress it. Aside from that feeling, I made cupcakes yesterday for my family and today I cooked dinner. I'm okay just not all there. I just really need to get past this week.

I got home late last night and woke up this afternoon. I have to say everyone's text messages made things alright for a while. One text took me by surprise. A guy and I met each other, I with no intention of starting anything (it's a long story), but he left me an interesting text:

"Happy Valentine's Day, I wish you the best all day today and for the rest of your life. Hopefully everything goes perfect for you. I'm here for you, you're cool that's why."

It was less literate (really annoying). I was really perplexed by it all, simply because I told this guy I wasn't looking for anything/a relationship. Guys are weird. It just came out of no where.

I need more time for myself.

I know everyone thinks I'm crazy and what not, but maybe that's what I need. I don't know really. I'm still figuring it all. I'm such a complicated mess. I say one thing and the next day something different. My days are really biploar. I literally have good and bad days, there is no consistency. BLAH!

I have work tomorrow so good night.


♥ I love you.