My Calucations Say

I'm supposed to be in bed... but since I stayed home Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday... I am wide awake. This is exactly why I hate not being busy. I caught up on sleep but I felt like I was going to go crazy in this house. I wanted so badly to just leave.

I've bought a few things. Okay maybe more than few but I can't help it sometimes.

The last four months I think I've bought seven pairs of shoes. YIKES.. i just counted in my head. LOL. I love shoes! I always want shoes. I can never have enough shoes.

♥) I've worn out these shoes! I love my jellies! I've been debating to go buy a new pair because mine are completely gross. I always get compliments on them or questions about them. The only thing I hate about them is that they have no support for my feet ((:


♥) These shoes are actually still in my car, in the trunk. LOL! I haven't been given the opportunity to wear them with all this cold and rainy weather. I'm waiting for spring. I bought these last month, I think. Anywho, I will wear them.


♥) I have these shoes in black! I've recieved compliments when I wear them out also. These were to replace my other black shoes which came apart. I had NEVER had shoes come apart like my last pair. I'm quite satisfied with these! :D & they didn't hurt my feet the first time I wore them.


♥) I've also bought a pair of Jessica Simpson Coral pumps. Waste of money. I've worn them once... idk what the hell I did the night I wore them but they're ugly now. I should of thought of the color getting ruined when I bought them but of course, I didn't.

Next on my list is... a pair of TOM TOMs. I really really want a pair! A pair of Vans. I think I have enough sandals. LOL. Oh, I want a pair of running shoes! All day I look at the girls shoes at work. I want a pair now!

I'm ready for SPRING! I have two spring dresses and a pair of bright shorts. WHEN i'll wear these?! who knows?!!! but i just want to already!

♥) I got a white purse. The first time I saw it, I didn't have the money for it but then I ran into it again and was like OKAYYY! i'll buy you. I'm only now starting to use it. I hope to not get it dirty too fast!


♥ Revlon Nail Polish; Indigo Night
My brother really liked the color, lol. I like the color also it goes well with my complexion. I didn't like the way it went on, maybe because I didn't it super fast and careless but I messed up on a few fingers the first time and had to redo them. Also, I didn't like the fact that it didn't really last long. The polish started chipping by the third day. MEH!



ANYHOW! i just wanted to ramble on about clothes & accessories for a while ^_^

Goodnight.

♥Toodaloo

The Show Goes On

I'm super duper sleeeeeeeepy!

I tried napping but all I hear is everything going on around the house. Then in my mind I hear ringing phones, the beeping noise every time a patient comes in, talking going on everywhere... the noises of work. I almost wanted to answer the phones in my head, "Good afternoon, blah blah Clinic." I don't know why I'm so burned out this week. I shouldn't be.

Last night I got in at midnight, the drives home are always nice and long. The roads are dead and my music blasts to drown out my thoughts. Everything I carry on is to keep me busy. I like the feeling of being busy. I can't stand when I have no plans and I'm forced to stay home. I hate being home unless I'm tired like tonight, then it feels good to just be in bed.

I'll finally be getting a good sleep tonight. I hope it rains some more. I love when it rains at night. However, I'm getting tired of the grey mornings.

So much continues to go on...

I'm beginning to think about the summer and next fall. First, I have to get through this spring.

Invaded

Today was not the best Valentine's day but definitely not the worst. I've always hated Valentine's day. Since I was little I've hated the holiday and as I've grown older all my reasoning has just increased... even when I had boyfriends. I don't know if I'll ever really like and enjoy the holiday. I've never been one to ask or demand anything for Valentine's day, I mean, what for really? However, I've always been grateful for the years in the past when my friends, boyfriends, or family members would give me something. I don't need it though.

This day hurt differently, not because of Valentine's day. A year ago, around this time, I was making out in a car. I was on the hugest high and I don't remember anything or anyone on my mind other than the person in front of me. When I thought this evening, about what I was doing last year, a part of me stinged. Truth is, it's stinged all day, I've just been pushing it aside. I loved that night and if no one else gives me a night like that then I might not repress it. Aside from that feeling, I made cupcakes yesterday for my family and today I cooked dinner. I'm okay just not all there. I just really need to get past this week.

I got home late last night and woke up this afternoon. I have to say everyone's text messages made things alright for a while. One text took me by surprise. A guy and I met each other, I with no intention of starting anything (it's a long story), but he left me an interesting text:

"Happy Valentine's Day, I wish you the best all day today and for the rest of your life. Hopefully everything goes perfect for you. I'm here for you, you're cool that's why."

It was less literate (really annoying). I was really perplexed by it all, simply because I told this guy I wasn't looking for anything/a relationship. Guys are weird. It just came out of no where.

I need more time for myself.

I know everyone thinks I'm crazy and what not, but maybe that's what I need. I don't know really. I'm still figuring it all. I'm such a complicated mess. I say one thing and the next day something different. My days are really biploar. I literally have good and bad days, there is no consistency. BLAH!

I have work tomorrow so good night.


♥ I love you.

The Love Mark

I haven't been home on a Friday night in a REALLY long time. I've been anticipating on leaving for the past hour but I'm not going to. I need to stay home plus I'm too lazy to get dressed again. It's not hard, it's just really awkward to be home in my room. I don't know how to explain the feeling. I explained to someone how it was hard to be in my room but we won't go into that story.

In my last post, I said how I paid off school. Yep, close to $900 down. Yes, you read right. Every penny was mine. Most of it was from my savings which really sucks but OH WELL. I don't regret my decision. Every time I tell someone at work.. they're like WHAT? WHY! I know why and that's all that matters. Don't ask me how I have that much money or where it comes from. I'm just a really good saver. I'll make money, get paid, and move it quickly to my savings before I spend it. I sike myself out, like it was never there. It's weird... I know. I don't eat out. I would much rather STARVE than eat out. When it comes to buying clothes, I want a lot of versatile clothes for the least amount of money. I won't spend $35 all on one item; I'd rather have 3-4 pieces for a little more than that price. I hide money, LOL. I'll put $10 in a winter jacket, in a book, a purse I don't use often, or under my clock. Then months later I'll find it when I'm broke and I'll feel like a baller! Teehee.

My week has been alright. It hasn't been the greatest but not the worst. Last week was much better. My co-worker has slowing been transitioning me into doing her work for her. It gets annoying but at the same time I don't mind because I learn more. The clinic has still been giving away stuff like crazy, it's ridiculous! Large planners, pocket planners, small calendars, pens, caps, coffee mugs, thermal coffee mugs, stickers & pencils for the kids; for Valentine's Day, chocolate lollipops and popcorn. Some people leave thrilled. The merchandise never ends.

Thursday, everyone was all smiley. The patients would walk out and smile at me. It was a good day; one of the pharmaceutical reps brought us lunch from Russo's Pizza. We all ate pasta (chicken alfredo or spaghetti), salad, and breadsticks. He also brought cheesecake for dessert. I feel like I've eaten so much food this week!

Today was just flat out annoying. I didn't have a bad day but it could have been much better. I'm still adding to my 1,001 mistakes. I still haven't figured out if it's because they're not as bad that I don't care or I just don't give a fuck. *shrugs* I believe it's more because they're not that bad. I'll survive.

HERE WE GO WEEKEND! I'm off now.

<3 Toodaloooo (:

Twist

Tangled In

I want Harry Potter t-shirts :/ but there's another shirt I want first... BUT I need to wait to get paid. Then put money back into my savings that I recently took out to pay off school. Put aside money for gas.. etc. etc. BLAH!

I'll never get tired of Harry Potter xD







Monday went good with my clinicals. Right now, I'm mostly observing. I like hearing Dr. Reyes talk and explain his point of view on things. Times goes by super fast! There's so much to absorb/learn. It's a whole different world that I love being in. Tomorrow, WORK! YAaaay! I start missing my co-workers because I like hearing them bicker. Maybe tonight I'll go to bed early since I went to bed pretty late last night. Then again, I got home like at 11:30ish. I keep myself busy so as soon as I get home all I'll do is change, wash up, and go straight to bed. The point is to leave no time for thinking, it works out for the most part.

"What happened to you, Jessica? It's like you have no heart left."

I have heart, I have lots of it.

Also, when I have more money... I want to go buy books. Particularly, a Wreck This Journal. I've been eyeing it for at least two years already.


I don't know how the next two months are gonna play out. I feel like time is going by so fast and I'm viewing everyone in slow motion. It's a weird feeling. My birthday is around the corner -.- I hadn't thought about it at all until Belle brought it up. I just can't believe we're in February already! like WTF!

I just hope all these decisions (bad and good) show some awesome outcome soon. I want what I want!

♥ Toodaloo.

Music Monday

♥) If I Were A Boy; Beyonce


♥) Learn My Lesson; Daughtry


♥) The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot; Brand New


♥) LoveStoned; Justin Timberlake


♥)Apologize; One Republic

I continue to wish

WEEEEHOOO! The weekend has been really good to me. Actually, this whole week has been GREAT! Finally, had my first good week of the year.

♥)Friday wasn't as busy at work as I thought it would be. My co-worker has been selling girl scout cookies for the doctor's daughter. They're never-ending! Everytime we think they're gone, they bring more boxes. I got me some peanut butter patties! I love them, they're so yummy! I got home from work around 6:30ish; drained, but I told Monica I would go out with her and the girls so I did. I was determined to try everything again. The night was fun but weird? I don't know if weird is the right word to describe it. *shrugs*

Top line of that night or in other words, LAMEST:

"I mean, I think you're beautiful and... and... I don't want this to be a one night thing you know. I'm looking for a long time thing, I mean... I love the way you dance. Hey... hey, are you listening.. just love me." Blah, blah, blah.

SERIOUSLY?! i don't know where guys come up with this shit.

♥)Saturday, I didn't have class so I got up early and went out with my parents. We also ended up going to Target. I bought myself a couple of things. I was also looking for a small heart shaped cookie cutter but I didn't find what I was looking for. Boooo.

We went home and I took a nap; I was so tired. I woke up put my shoes on and left again. I went to see my Bella friend. We saw Bambi, I like the music with the scenes. It was good catching up and seeing Aiden. Later that night, we ate pizza, salad, and boneless chicken wings. The drive home was crazy. It was raining so much but I liked it. Good music, long drive, pouring rain... it was a good drive. I got home really late again; not planned, but oh well. ONE WEEKEND, i will be home Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. LOL.

♥)Today, I haven't done anything just been bumming. It's the only time I really get to. Tomorrow I'll be going out again to do clinicals, I love being there and learning more. I still need to wash clothes and clean this room. It has not been clean all year. Everytime I try the next day it's back to it's mess.

I wrote this post really fast so if it doesn't make sense. Woooops! I just wanted to post a rundown of the weekend. Maybe I'll post again later.

♥ Tooodaloo (:

You Only Love Me When You're Lonely

It was a long thursday, the time just dragged on but at least it's almost over. I got home around 9:30 and no one was home. That's nothing new, but now that they are home... i'm too lazy to move and say hi. LOL.

♥) We practiced a lot tonight but only on the arteries. It's always fun and interesting. The conversations are always good to listen to also. I never get bored. Our machine we take turns working on ^_^


Everything is still growing better, I'm always, ALWAYS grateful for the people who see things in me that I don't see. Without those people I wouldn't be okay. Even when people don't like me; at times, at work they still make me want to become better. The truth is, people don't want to see other people get better or move up. It becomes threatening and jealousy comes in. I try not to let that play into my feelings and bother me. There's enough of that going around.

Every time I work I sing with my co-worker, the creepy man comes by to drop me off a soda, and drama goes down. I like when the patients get all huffy and puffy then don't get there way. BUT i hate when they're constantly asking when is it going to be their turn. LOOK, it's your turn when it's your turn, when you hear your name being shouted to go in, you are next (: I don't say that but I think it.

When I got home tonight I sat in my car for a while like I always do. I zone out and look straight ahead. I got down to go in and thought to myself I should read "it." So I went back, sat down in my car, and pulled out my police report. When I went to pick up a copy of it, I put it away as soon as I got it. I feel like it's important to face that night instead of repressing it like I want to. It's nothing OMG huge, but the whole week after that night was hard facing anyone without feeling ashamed. With control of all actions, I have never in my life created a night like that. *shrugs* At least the outcome wasn't anything SUPER bad. Lesson learned.

I can still hear my brother's voice from the day after, "Ok let's review, what did you learn last night?" Hahah. I can laugh about it now.

Tomorow it'll be busy at work and we'll be short handed. ONE DAY THIS YEAR i will wake up and GET UP when my alarm goes off at 6:15am! I always hear it, turn it off, and go back to bed. Then I'm rushing or dragging. ANYHOW,...

Toodaloo. Night.

♥)Sweet Dreams; Emily Browning
I didn't even know it was her singing it; I like it.

Count on

Can you believe January is gone? We're one month closer to the world ending :P I kid, but I mean c'mon I had to throw that in there!

I said I'd write a non-life related post but ummmm, i don't know what the hell about?!? I haven't bought much of anything being that I have to choose really wisely how I spend my money.

I saw Reel Steel recently.



It was a pretty good movie. You should see it if you haven't! I feel like I was really late watching it, like everyone's already seen it. I didn't cry like other people have claimed they did. Perhaps, I have no heart left, heh.

I thought three things:

♥) "This is why I luff robot stuff!" ^_^ in case you didn't know... i've liked robot stuff since high school, LOL.

♥) "GREAT, now I want to see The Iron Giant and I don't have the movie on DVD." That movie is too cute but now I really want to see it. Reminds me of my brother for some reason.

♥) "HUGH JACKMAN, why you so HOT in this movie! why, Why, WHYYYY?!!" He looked so different to me in this movie for some reason. Maybe it was the hair, hmm. I've seen him in other movies before though, *shrugs*

I haven't seen many movies lately :( That's it for now... I'm keeping it really short. I'm SUPER sleepy.

♥ Toodalooo... zzZzZZzz.